I remember when i was about 10, I had a massive crush on Darlene from Roseanne. There was something about that dusky lesbian in a check shirt and levi's 501s that stirred somthing in me. Maybe it was the dry sense of humour, or the bubble perm but whatever it was it showed me that redneck girs rock, this has stuck with me until now.
It started off fairly innocently, a little dolly parton a little Coors, daisy duke playing pool with some drunk trucker from reno, then whuppin his ass when he grabs her arse as she takes a shot.
Before too long i was drinking JD with Christina Aguilera, drink driving my way across the south with some stolen credit cards and big sunglasses.
These days i'm too busy taking pot shots at the local god botherers and livestock with Sherri Moon and Gauge to be bothered to watch Roseanne. We make our own moonshine and place bets on how many BBQ chitlins cousin earl can eat without hurling. It's a simple life, we mostly just spend our days kickin round in the yard, makin' out an inbreedin. I don't got no teevee but y'all know that Darlene's still hotter than fire ant juice in the vaseline. And remember, as my uncle Silas used to say 'Northern girls tease but southern girls please' *hyuk*
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